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February 1
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Cloe Kapenelli by EMOCA Cloe Kapenelli by EMOCA
Bob- ok my main problem with this oc is that just from first look you see many problems. first let's start with the name ''Cloe Kapenelli'' that is an English modern name, if you look at the Characters in Naruto most of their names have a Japanese origin so it would be proper to pick one. the last name isn't even a real word i believe this person was trying to spell Capellini which is a type of pasta. so names i would have picked would be Kiyomi or Haruka then for a surname i would use Toyama or Fukuoka. next let's look at her design. the thing that really bugs me is the flower and lighting tattoo, as the artist put the lighting tattoo let's her travel to Naruto fandom and the Harry potter fandom. That would be not be ever possible due to the fact their set in different times. The flower how ever i'm not sure if this is a tattoo or a necklace but it is a free floating flower. If she wanted to make it a necklace don't use a fucking daisy chose something that would be more native to japan like a lotus. Now the hair color is also wouldn't be possible, there are such things as having abnormal hair colors like pink, white, or blue but those are natural hair colors to them. even as hair lights they couldn't be used because hair dye didn't exist. Next the eye color as the Artist said her eye color changes color to her mood, this isn't that big of problem because some of the characters in Naruto their eye color does change. But that is only mostly because of Kekkei Genkai or having a tailed beast. in my opinion i love split eye colors but blue and red don't really belong together. I would stay away form using red and stick to a soft blue. Ok now for her description


Artist-   okayyyyy lol so heres my first oc that ive submitted 2 deviantart! :o her name is cleo kapenelli and i spent over 3 HOURS working on her. um... ya so the lightning bolt on her head is actually a MAGIC TATTOO :O that allowes her 2 switch between the naruto universe and the harry potter universe :O how cool is that?! X3 ya lol anyways her eyes actually change color with her mood! :3 awesome, right? XD cleos a teenager who's a s ranked ninja. she left konoha cause she had to! she’s in the Akatsuki though and all of da guys r in lurv with her! ;PPP lolz she knew the tem 7and some of dem had crushs on her! She’s soooooooooooooooooooooooooo pretty that guys like her and dey don’t even need to know her name! x3 she has three diff types of justsus x333 fire, water, n lightning. Cool huh!???? All da othr gurls were jelly of her. She got a bloodline and it copies other bloodlins and when its active hur eyes r rainbow colored!!!! Saskue used to be sooo jealus of her! Cuz she cold use it when she was a genin ;D

Bob- for one ALL THE FUCKING GUYS ARE IN LOVE WITH HER OC ! That is a big no-no, the only way i would be remotely ok whit this if if she had some jutsu that made them fall in love with her. Other way it would be ok is if she was egotistic or in other words a bitch. Next she claims her oc is a teenager (14-18) not a clearly given age. But there would be no way she could be an S-ranked nin, that would mean she would be stronger than the main characters which is also a no-no it would be ok if she was older. the only S-ranked nin there are would be the Akatsuki and Orochimaru, if you have noticed none of them are teenagers and are at least over the age of 20. Next about her being the the Akastuski that would be she would be marked as a missing nin and an enemy of the village, she would be hunted down and most likely killed. her range of jutsus are pretty ok but i would use only one type. Lastly the Kekkei Genkai or a bloodline ability, there is no way to copy every jutsu the only one remotely close to that would be Sharingan which only people in the Uchiha clan would be able to use that. One last thing i believe you could do so much better hun and frankly use guide lines, templates, the Naruto wikia. Above are also to deisgins i took the liberty of doing~

Jenn- I comply to everything that bob stated in his commentary. You have the potential to be an amazing artist and to create amazing oc's but you don't use your resources to your advantage. Also you say your oc is an S ranked number 1 that is not possible at the age you said your oc is, and number 2 you are a S ranked nin... S ranked nin..nincompoop!

art by :iconkawaiihikaru123: gurl we know you can better so were gonna put some templates and guide lines
Creator we used to fix this oc- hapuriainen.deviantart.com/art…
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:icondustyfelidae:
DustyFelidae Featured By Owner Apr 26, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Jesus fucking Christ I love you.
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:iconyuuiko-honatru:
Yuuiko-Honatru Featured By Owner Apr 21, 2014
Eventhough its over,
I discovered this girl by looking up "Wrecking Ball."

I FUCKING LOVE YOU.
LIKE OMFG.
Reply
:iconladyofsorrow123:
LadyofSorrow123 Featured By Owner May 4, 2014  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Omg me too.
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:iconyuuiko-honatru:
Yuuiko-Honatru Featured By Owner May 4, 2014
XDD
Reply
:iconmalikaassassin:
MalikaAssassin Featured By Owner Feb 8, 2014  Hobbyist Writer
You have just made my day. A lot of us have tried telling this girl to change her oc into a better and more believable character (well, as believable as an anime like Naruto can get anyway.) and to use any and all sources that some of us have even posted in the comments of her various postings and on her page (this includes her journals.). Its... Not only shaming to both Masashi Kishimoto, but to those who have made ocs and have changed them as they went along. And I feel very insulted by how Hikaru is not only acting, but by how she presents her character. But then again, I'm also someone who is more into having a character go through various stages of development. I... I personally think that the artist of this oc is a total troll, but that's just what I think of her.
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:iconfreakerbellfan:
FreakerbellFan Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist

O-kay.... Now that's something interesting O.o

I guess your "advice" or whatever could be a little...hurting for the artist (which it seems to be) but... I'm not sure if Kawaiihikaru123 isn:t a troll herself, I mean, her description and that OC are just...argh >.<

But still, don't you think it would be nicer to do such a "makeover" or whatever as a stash file and send her the link in a private note? Because submittig it like that could be taken offensive (and I'm quite sure that reposting art is against the rules of deviantART) and even if it's not your intention, hurt other artist's feelings.

I don't mean to be rude, just sayin :)

 

Now to your critique:

Although I agree with ANY point you mentioned here, I think that a last name (ignoring the fact that it isn't making sense as the last name of a naruto oc) doesn't necessarily have to be a "real word".

 

 

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:iconemoca:
EMOCA Featured By Owner Feb 3, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
She is past that point if you will check her gallery she has even insulted Beyonce and and Nicki Minaj. i could care less for either of them but it is just the principal. we've all had our mary sue phase but we think she could do so much better. We didn't mean to sound rude but were just trying to ge tour pint across to her 
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:iconkawaiihikaru123:
Kawaiihikaru123 Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014
umm no its not cloe its cleo. 

and wtf is wiff da art of da gurl wiff blak hair das not cleo dats not even my rt.

dis is just a poor atempt at troling me nd hurting my feelignz
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:iconflying-dutchmann:
Flying-Dutchmann Featured By Owner Mar 5, 2014  Student Traditional Artist
you're being quite ungrateful. EMOCA gave you valuable advice.
Reply
:iconemoca:
EMOCA Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2014  Hobbyist Artist
We are not trolling you, were telling you that you could do so much better if you tried. the gril with the black hair is a version of Cleo we took of doing, you can not just make an oc like this you are just shaming the creator of Naruto. If you use the sources we put in the description if you even read it will help you, if you need further help we can give you guide lines. we believe in you, everyone has had their mary sure phase.
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